Christmas 2006

So here we are again. It is almost Christmas. I have been reviewing my past Christmas letters. What a journey they have been. And what a journey this year has been. Last year I commented on how each year I know I have changed. This year has been no exception.

The spring was a huge turning point for me. God showed me some things about myself that allowed me to see that I was often the author of my own misery. I knew I was powerless to change. Yet with God’s help I did. I feel like I am looking at life through a totally different lens. That has defined how I act and move forward in my life.

Do you ever look back and wish you could hit a pause button on your life? I wish I could hit pause on the spring. I sensed God’s presence in everything. I had a sense of direction and healing. I saw God’s direction for my life. I felt such meaning and purpose.

The fall has been a difficult and sad time. I have wondered if what happened in the spring had been undone. Yet I know that I am different than I was. I am more graceful. I am still more positive. I still sense God working in my life.

I am learning that I don’t necessarily have to be better to be okay. I am learning that contentment isn’t the same thing as the absence of desire. I am learning that strength in Christ is not the opposite of my weakness. I am learning to hear another voice that tells me ‘it is well with my soul.’

As Christmas begins to draw more near I am finding that I have more hope. The birth of Jesus did not come without a struggle. And the hope that Jesus brings was begun at His birth but not accomplished until His death. So maybe this pattern of births and subsequent dark places is part of the plan.

I am so blessed to have so many friends who have become like family to me. I am also humbled that God continues to draw me to Him. May this be a year of happy beginnings for you and your family.

Love,

Misty
Christmas 2006

Christmas 2005

I don’t know about you, but Christmas seems to have sprung up on me this year. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I am still waiting for summer. This time of year always prompts me to think about what is different in my life. The events that most people would list when they think about life change haven’t happened. I still live in the same place. I work for the same company. I am not suddenly married with children. Yet, I feel like absolutely everything is different.

My old car died and I purchased a new one. I now understand t hat those people who say their life changed when they started sleeping on a new mattress are not crazy. I have had two new positions within the company I work for. I have gone from being an accountant to an IT business analyst which is a huge shift. I started working out and with that started feeling better. I followed God’s leading to re-engage ministry.

Those things are not what I am talking about when I say that everything is different. I am different. I am always being shaped by the events around me. I know different things than I did last year. I perceive things differently than I did a year ago. I always do.

God is constant and pretty much everything else changes. That is what I have been thinking about. No matter what point in a year I choose, I know that if I reflect back on the previous year I will see that I am different. I will see that my life is at least a little bit different than the year before. That is both terrifying and exciting at the same time. I know that my life is not exactly where I want it to be right now. I also know that I have been in worse places than I am now. I am kind of in the middle.

One of the central themes of Christmas is hope. Whether someone is a Christian or not, they would recognize that this season is about the celebration of things to come. That’s what all the good classic Christmas movies are about right? Someone’s life gets better over the holidays.

People can choose to think that Christmas is just a bunch of crap. They can decide that there is no hope. Or they can decide that the season has become so commercialized that there is no point anymore. This year I choose to think that if things are going to be different next year that I am going to hope that God will do amazing things in my life. I am going to reflect on how Jesus has shown up in my life in a big way in the past. I know that He will do it again.

May this year be full of happy beginnings for you and your family!

Love,
Misty

Christmas 2004

Last year, my Christmas letter was an exploration of Christmas’ past and a sort of proclamation of hope for the future. It went sort of like this: good Christmas, not so good Christmas, great Christmas, not so great Christmas. After I wrote the letter I came up with a theory. Every second Christmas would be good. It was kind of silly now I think about it. Well, have you heard the saying, “Man Plans, God Laughs?”

I am not really a fan of that quote. At best, it makes God sound like some cosmic scientist and us experimental dogs expecting food when a bell rings. At worst God would be like a bully who gets a thrill out of knocking kids off bikes. I don’t think God is either of those things but perhaps he does have a little chuckle when we think we have life all figured out.

Last year I had so much faith that I was where God wanted me to be. This year that faith cost me a lot. At times I have wondered if t he faith I had was ever real. But just as a He was so present in my silly theory last year that He would have a little chuckle at my theory, God has been deeply present in my life through my doubts and wanderings. Sometimes I have had a sense of Him sharing my grief with me. Other times I have been unaware that He was working in my life to keep me safe and drawing me back to Him.

During these past months God has sent me people to support me. I am starting to find places where I feel comfortable and safe. I have hope that things are getting and will continue to get better. And yes I believe once again that I am where God wants me to be. I am grateful that He never stopped calling me back there.

So, for this year, that is enough hope for a Christmas season. Knowing that God hasn’t and will never forget us and has our lives in His heart is a profound experience.

Last year I prayed for happy beginnings for everyone. I re-read my letter a few months ago and rethought that idea. Some kind of ending usually precedes that kind of beginning. It was a risky prayer on my part. I am still willing to risk it. After all, Christmas really is about the anticipation of a new beginning isn’t it?

I pray that this year is full of happy beginnings for you and your family.

Love,

Misty
Christmas 2004

Christmas 2003

I am finding myself wanting to write a Christmas letter. I have no idea why. I am not a Christmas letter person. I could make fun of Christmas letters but some people I really love write them. Actually, the truth is that I like Christmas letters. I just think that they are for others. In order to write a Christmas letter you need to be married and probably have kids to talk about. How many single people write Christmas letters? I am going to write one anyway. Something tells me to start with Christmas’ of the past.

To say that Christmas was my mother’s favourite time of the year would be an understatement. I think it would be more accurate to say that the other three hundred and sixty four days of the year were just time fillers to Christmas day. My mom would start buying Christmas gifts in the summer. There were a lot of musts for Christmas. We must have licorice allsorts, wine gums, nuts still in the shell, Nutchos, and lots of other candy. My mother loved Christmas carols as well. Something about them made her happy. Then there were the gifts. I always had a lot of gifts to open. My mother would save everything I needed and wrap those things up as Christmas presents. After we opened presents we would have a nice breakfast and then probably have a nap between then and dinner

After my mom died, I really didn’t see a lot of point in celebrating Christmas. It was a time for children and I was no longer one of those. Christmas became something to get through. It reminded me of all I had lost. I would leave my shopping until the last minute. If I decorated my house, I would plug in the little tree my aunt made me out of hangers and garland with lights strung around it. And even then the only reason I decorated was because it bothered people so much that I didn’t have a tree.

The first Christmas after I asked Christ to come into my life I felt like I had a reason to celebrate again. For the first time since my mother passed away, I dug out the tree and put it up. I actually put it up on November 17th – that’s how excited I was. I baked all kinds of food. I had a Christmas party at my house. I was so happy. It seemed like my years of having to tolerate Christmas were over.

The next year, I started to remember all of the things I didn’t have. Christmas is a time for families. The family members who I used to celebrate Christmas with are gone. The family I celebrate Christmas with now has their own traditions. Their history is something I was distant from growing up. It always feels a little strange to be with that part of my family at Christmas.

Last year at this time, I saw God in everything and everywhere. I was so excited about the work God was doing in my heart and life. I sang Christmas carols everywhere I went. I felt like there was an adventure in front of me and I was ready for it. I don’t feel like that this year.

This year, adventure doesn’t seem like a very good idea. A nap would be better. I am tired. I don’t have that same excitement I did last year. Part of me wonders what was wrong with me last year. It is not that I don’t think there is anything to celebrate; it is just that I am not experiencing the energy and excitement that a new beginning brings.

So where is my Christmas spirit? How am I finding meaning in this season? I think about the time when I thought my life had been taken away from me and there was no hope that life would ever get better. I think about how I have moved from merely surviving life to really living it. I think of the fact that I live in a community in which I am known and cared for. I think of this past year and how I have never before had such confidence that I am exactly where God wants me to be – even when things are tough. I think of friends like you.

That is what Christmas is about for me this year. It is about remembering all the beginnings. It is about being in awe that God would come to earth as a baby for someone like me. It is about looking forward to meeting Christ in new places.

I pray that this year will be full of happy beginnings and discoveries for you.


Love,
Misty

Christmas 2003