Christmas 2007
The first year I started writing Christmas letters I did it as a last ditch effort to find some meaning in the season. I remember writing the letter in the last few days before Christmas. Very few people actually saw the letter because the only people who got it were those who I actually physically handed cards to in the last few days before Christmas. Since then the tradition has expanded and many people started to get the letter. Last year I adapted to posting the letter online to save some paper and make Christmas card mailing a little easier.
So here it is December 22nd and I am writing my Christmas letter. I am pretty sure the first Christmas letter I wrote was on December 22nd. I think I am sort of feeling the same way I did the first year. I know many people enjoy reading the letter and I would say that I am doing it for them. But really if I were to be honest I just can’t let Christmas go by without writing a Christmas letter. I need to articulate the hope I have.
When I think of this year the word that comes to mind is waiting. For me there are two kinds of waiting. There is the anticipatory excitement of waiting for something good you know is going to happen. You may not even know what it is you are waiting for. Sometimes that is half the excitement. Then there is the kind of waiting where you are desparate for relief. I have experienced both kinds of waiting this year.
Early this year I stepped back from ministry for a few months. I had no idea what God had in store for me except that it was good. By the end of the spring I felt like I had changed in some fundamental way. I started to see myself in a new way -- the way God saw me. I was excited about what God had done in my life already and I felt like there was the promise of more. I decided to take a more extended break from ministry and seek further healing.
As summer began so did an extremely stressful period for me at work. Then an event that would normally be forgotten the next day came to define a huge part of my life. On August 2nd on the way to a meeting I tripped on a mat. I got back up and went to the meeting but by the end of it I knew I had hurt my wrist. What was originally diagnosed as just a sprain turned out to be a more serious injury. I have had months of physiotherapy and I am now looking at the possibility of surgery in the new year.
So I began a season of the other kind of waiting. I have never had to deal with chronic pain before. I never understood how much living with pain everyday changes you. It messes with your head. It is a struggle to function. I don’t want to be the kind of person who is grumpy and whiny yet I find myself being that person some days. Beyond that there is this undercurrent of feeling vulnerable and not knowing what to do.
Waiting for physical healing has been mirrored by waiting for emotional healing. It is actually hard to separate the two. Yet this fall I learned to find strength in Christ I never realized that I had access to. I learned to actively fight the battle rather than just surviving it. I found myself continually proclaiming God’s goodness and strength even when the circumstances appeared hopeless.
I wish I could say I had been steadfast in fighting the battle. Last week a friend of mine received some devastating news in the midst of weathering a profound loss. I cried out to God with the unfairness of it all. I pleaded with Him to intervene. I started to wonder why I was fighting or what I was fighting for.
Today I have no answers but somehow I am starting to feel better. I realize as I write this that even though I much prefer the former kind of waiting that both kinds of waiting involve an abundance of hope. So now, because of God’s grace, I am beginning to find the will to fight again. In some ways I feel stronger because I know that it is not up to me to maintain a certain level of faith. God is with me no matter what.
Thank you to all who have continued to walk with me even though times have been hard. I pray that you will experience the anticipatory type of waiting and that if you don’t that you will still find an abundance of hope. As always I wish you a year full of happy beginnings.
Love,
Misty
Christmas 2007
So here it is December 22nd and I am writing my Christmas letter. I am pretty sure the first Christmas letter I wrote was on December 22nd. I think I am sort of feeling the same way I did the first year. I know many people enjoy reading the letter and I would say that I am doing it for them. But really if I were to be honest I just can’t let Christmas go by without writing a Christmas letter. I need to articulate the hope I have.
When I think of this year the word that comes to mind is waiting. For me there are two kinds of waiting. There is the anticipatory excitement of waiting for something good you know is going to happen. You may not even know what it is you are waiting for. Sometimes that is half the excitement. Then there is the kind of waiting where you are desparate for relief. I have experienced both kinds of waiting this year.
Early this year I stepped back from ministry for a few months. I had no idea what God had in store for me except that it was good. By the end of the spring I felt like I had changed in some fundamental way. I started to see myself in a new way -- the way God saw me. I was excited about what God had done in my life already and I felt like there was the promise of more. I decided to take a more extended break from ministry and seek further healing.
As summer began so did an extremely stressful period for me at work. Then an event that would normally be forgotten the next day came to define a huge part of my life. On August 2nd on the way to a meeting I tripped on a mat. I got back up and went to the meeting but by the end of it I knew I had hurt my wrist. What was originally diagnosed as just a sprain turned out to be a more serious injury. I have had months of physiotherapy and I am now looking at the possibility of surgery in the new year.
So I began a season of the other kind of waiting. I have never had to deal with chronic pain before. I never understood how much living with pain everyday changes you. It messes with your head. It is a struggle to function. I don’t want to be the kind of person who is grumpy and whiny yet I find myself being that person some days. Beyond that there is this undercurrent of feeling vulnerable and not knowing what to do.
Waiting for physical healing has been mirrored by waiting for emotional healing. It is actually hard to separate the two. Yet this fall I learned to find strength in Christ I never realized that I had access to. I learned to actively fight the battle rather than just surviving it. I found myself continually proclaiming God’s goodness and strength even when the circumstances appeared hopeless.
I wish I could say I had been steadfast in fighting the battle. Last week a friend of mine received some devastating news in the midst of weathering a profound loss. I cried out to God with the unfairness of it all. I pleaded with Him to intervene. I started to wonder why I was fighting or what I was fighting for.
Today I have no answers but somehow I am starting to feel better. I realize as I write this that even though I much prefer the former kind of waiting that both kinds of waiting involve an abundance of hope. So now, because of God’s grace, I am beginning to find the will to fight again. In some ways I feel stronger because I know that it is not up to me to maintain a certain level of faith. God is with me no matter what.
Thank you to all who have continued to walk with me even though times have been hard. I pray that you will experience the anticipatory type of waiting and that if you don’t that you will still find an abundance of hope. As always I wish you a year full of happy beginnings.
Love,
Misty
Christmas 2007
posted by Misty at 12:14 PM
1 Comments:
I resonnate with your post. In August I too was struck with chronic pain. You are right it messes with your head...and the rest of your life.
Even spiritually. I felt it was an assault from the enemy, but God allowed it. Why? Why would God allow it?
All I know is what I teach - there is purpose in the pain. One day we will be able to comfort others with the same comfort we have been comforted with.
I also wonder about the path of specialists and doctors we are sent on. Is there a purpose in that?
I am pretty well done with my pain now, thank God he intervened.
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